The New York Times recently reported on one of our more recent agent employments, comrade Glenn Beck. As the Times writes, Comrade Beck has been successful:

As the Times reports, “[Agent Beck] preaches against politicians, hosts regular segments titled “Constitution Under Attack” and “Economic Apocalypse,” and occasionally breaks into tears. Michael Smerconish, a fellow syndicated talk show host, said that Mr. Beck ‘has a gift for touching the passion nerve.’ Tapping into fear about the future, Mr. Beck also lingers over doomsday situations; in a series called “The War Room” last month he talked to experts about the possibility of global financial panic and widespread outbreaks of violence. He challenged viewers to “think the unthinkable” so that they would be prepared in case of emergency.”

Judging by the hate mail Comrade Beck receives, you can see that we are on to something here.

Those with a keen eye will notice the resemblance between Agent Beck’s logo and the internationally recognized radiation warning symbol. That is no coincidence.

In light of his recent conviction and the decision by the judge to not let him out on bail pending sentencing, we will take this opportunity to honour the efforts of a great friend of Kanuckistan, Mr Bernard Madoff.

One of the more memorable quotes in the classic movie The Usual Suspects comes from the character Verbal played by Kevin Spacey, who as we later learn is Kayser Soze himself, an international criminal whose very name invokes primal fear on the lips of those who pronounce it. As Verbal says, “The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist.” In this case, Bernard Madoff has managed to this day to conceal his identity from the greater world, passing himself off as an American citizen of the Hebrew persuasion born in New York City and a cornerstone of Jewish communities up and down the Atlantic seaboard.

Little known however is that Comrade Madoff is neither American nor even Jewish. While it may be plausible for some to characterize him as a shmuck nonetheless, Comrade Madoff was actually born Philippe O’Hanlon, the product of the marriage between a French-Canadian woman and an Irish man. He grew up in the working class neighborhood of Griffintown in Montreal, now known as Point St. Charles, in a walk-up on the famously downtrodden Wellington Street. (While Philippe O’Hanlon, he was brought to our attention by Agent Duddy Kravitz, a tireless promoter of our cause and a financier of many of our operations.)

The genius of Comrade O’Hanlon/Madoff’s efforts is that not only was he able to swindle US$65 billion to the benefit of many Kanuckistani military, industrial and cultural efforts, but that he was able to do so in a manner that ensured that the blame was laid far away elsewhere. In fact, Comrade Madoff did his work so well that many a commentator is lamenting the impact of our dear comrade’s work on the image of the Jewish community, a traditional bugbear for all that is wrong in the world.

On behalf of all Kanuckistani patriots, we extend our dearest thanks to you and your help in ensuring that Kanuckistan will prevail.

The Globe and Mail reports on our recent successes in demolishing the American Dream in the eyes of the world.

Amid all of the hubbub surrounding that idiot Greg Gutfeld and his colleagues at Fox News, one could be concerned. While one could retort that invading countries has never been a priority of Kanuckistan, like it is for the US, and therefore we do not need t have a large standing army, the truth is that we are only focused on invading one country.

Worry not comrades. With the significant investment we have made in the American entertainment-complex, unknown to him Mr Gutfeld is surrounded by Kanuckistani Patriots and will soon be getting his due.

To Mr Gutfeld and those who think like him, we paraphrase a great movie (The Crow?), when we say “just when you think you’re fucking them, they’re fucking you!” ‘Nuff said.

You guessed it. Us again. America is falling in upon itself.

A gunman shot and killed at least 10 people, including several members of his family, on Tuesday afternoon in what officials said was the worst shooting in Alabama.

[From Gunman Kills 10 in Alabama, Then Takes His Life - NYTimes.com]

Yep, it was us.

Levi Johnston and Bristol Palin, the teenage daughter of Gov. Sarah Palin, have broken off their engagement,

[From Palin’s Daughter Bristol Splits From Fiancé - NYTimes.com]

This week,s issue of The Economist reports on the good work done by our Kanuckistani Fighting Corps (KFC) forward-operating bases in West Virginia.

Hamlin is near the Huntington metro area, one of the unhealthiest in America. Some 77% of adults are overweight; an incredible 46% are clinically obese. Some 13% of adults have diabetes, 22% of those over the age of 45 have heart disease, and nearly half the over-65s have lost all their teeth.

[From Barack Obama's health-care reforms | The view from West Virginia | The Economist]