Ode to comrade Madoff.

In light of his recent conviction and the decision by the judge to not let him out on bail pending sentencing, we will take this opportunity to honour the efforts of a great friend of Kanuckistan, Mr Bernard Madoff.

Bernard Madoff

One of the more memorable quotes in the classic movie The Usual Suspects comes from the character Verbal played by Kevin Spacey, who as we later learn is Kayser Soze himself, an international criminal whose very name invokes primal fear on the lips of those who pronounce it. As Verbal says, “The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist.” In this case, Bernard Madoff has managed to this day to conceal his identity from the greater world, passing himself off as an American citizen of the Hebrew persuasion born in New York City and a cornerstone of Jewish communities up and down the Atlantic seaboard.

Little known however is that Comrade Madoff is neither American nor even Jewish. While it may be plausible for some to characterize him as a shmuck nonetheless, Comrade Madoff was actually born Philippe O’Hanlon, the product of the marriage between a French-Canadian woman and an Irish man. He grew up in the working class neighborhood of Griffintown in Montreal, now known as Point St. Charles, in a walk-up on the famously downtrodden Wellington Street. (While Philippe O’Hanlon, he was brought to our attention by Agent Duddy Kravitz, a tireless promoter of our cause and a financier of many of our operations.)

The genius of Comrade O’Hanlon/Madoff’s efforts is that not only was he able to swindle US$65 billion to the benefit of many Kanuckistani military, industrial and cultural efforts, but that he was able to do so in a manner that ensured that the blame was laid far away elsewhere. In fact, Comrade Madoff did his work so well that many a commentator is lamenting the impact of our dear comrade’s work on the image of the Jewish community, a traditional bugbear for all that is wrong in the world.

On behalf of all Kanuckistani patriots, we extend our dearest thanks to you and your help in ensuring that Kanuckistan will prevail.

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