Undermining the American Way of Life (I)

Short of impaling Jerry Falwell’s head on a pole, which while satisfying, would likely only encourage the raging Jesus-freaks in MittelAmerika, we have launched a series of countermeasures designed to take the fun out of everyday life and destroy the Amerikan credo of “Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness”.

To that, Kanuckistani mouthpiece, The Economist, recently reported on the first of our many initiatives. Due to our successful propaganda efforts–including spending more evenings with chaps named Billy Bob then we would like to admit to– we were able to sabotage that most Amerikan of activities, the high school prom, by highlighting the dangers (unprotected pre-marital sex, consumption of controlled narcotics, underage use of alchohol) of young men and women spending unsupervised time together.

When the young folk from this relatively sleepy Arkansas town bought advance tickets for the dance, they signed a contract acknowledging the school rules prohibiting alcohol consumption. They also had to supply their dates’ names, addresses, grade levels and telephone numbers. Identities will be rechecked at the festivities (heaven knows what will happen to any teens bold enough to dump their dates in the closing days). Oh, and the deviant revellers have also had to agree to on-the-spot searches and sobriety tests.

Thank you Comrades, who shall remain nameless. We look forward to your next victories.

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