DPR Kanuckistan

While we officially despise organized religion like that prized by the millions of mindless Jesusfreaks that have populated (overwhelmed like Locusts?) the Red States, we also recognize that it can be a powerful tool for creating dissent and division within our enemy.

An editorial written by a comrade who wished to remain nameless, appeared yesterday in Kanuckistani mouthpiece, The New York Times. It details attempts to derail our plans to undermine the institution at the heart of the Amerikan identity, the Amerikan Armed Forces, in this case the Air Force.

For those not familiar with the success of our unflappable efforts,

Last year, academy officials promised to do something about widespread complaints of unconstitutional proselytizing of academy students by evangelists whose efforts were blessed by authority figures in the chain of command. An authorized investigation by the Yale Divinity School and local news reports documented numerous instances of pressure on cadets to adopt Christian beliefs and practices. Such pressure came from dozens of faculty members and chaplains, and even the football coach, with his “Team Jesus Christ” banner.

Reactionary efforts to undermine our initiatives and to ‘protect’ the officious separation of Church and State have come to naught. Thanks to the help of party members like Major General Charles Baldwin, we shall continue to drive a stake through the Amerikan heart, giving new impetus to our territorial ambitions.

Our fine comrades at The Economist report on another one of our successful initiatives.

This one is designed to further chisel away at the little joys in the life of the average overweight double cheeseburger eating pig known as the Amerikan. When not ordering a super-size Coke and Fries, your average Amerikan can be found watching a game of Amerikan college football, our enemy’s opiate of the masses.

Due to the persuasiveness of the efforts of glorious comrades who shall remain nameless, we were able to convince representatives of Texas, the home state of the Burning Bush, to legislate cheerleaders, the nimble, nubile women who provide the true entertainment.

On May 3rd, the state’s House of Representatives voted to crack down on “overtly sexually suggestive” routines.

The bill was actually sponsored by a Democrat, Al Edwards, who is an ordained minister, but it won fairly solid conservative support. “There is a lack of old fashioned morality, the morality you and I grew up with,” lamented one Republican state representative, Carl Isett. “If I take my five-year-old son to a high-school football game, I don’t want to cover his eyes when the cheerleaders are on the field.”

The bill would require school districts to take “appropriate action” against offensive acts at school events as identified by state education authorities. Districts would have to appoint cheerocrats—plainly a demanding and thankless job—to identify the culprits.

Our man at the American Civil Liberties Union in Texas invites the Amerikan people to take their reasoning to the next logical step.

“Why not go all the way? Why not require them all to wear a burka?”

(Images courtesy of our comrades at The Swift Report)

Paul Wells, the back page editorialist of Maclean’s, the Kanuckistani magazine famous for its cover of “Canada to Dubya: Fuck You” or something like that (Anyhoo, not the kind of thing most people would want to carry through US customs) has an article in which he discusses a reverse brain drain, whereby in a confirmation that our plan is working, Yanks are heading North.

Wells’ article is a welcome change from some of the other slop going around. Things like CanadianAlternative.com and even Cool.ca are a little too candy apple, feel-good for our taste. We don’t need something about Cool Canadians. What we need is the Great White North equivalent of “puppets who kill“.

As the disastrous results of the 2 World Wars and the unrequited success (minus a land war in Asia or two) of the Cold War show, appeasement is a losing argument, while containment and a continuous assault on the opponent’s hearts and minds are the only sure path to success. It is only by hammering on those “‘dumb as a post‘ residents of the south” and the gun nuts in Colorado that they will quote unquote get it.